Keichan

Test Subject

2006-04-09T17:06:45Z

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit. Suspendisse nec erat. Suspendisse potenti. Donec venenatis, nunc cursus molestie faucibus, metus nisl lacinia sem, ac vulputate magna dui sit amet lectus. Morbi ullamcorper dui. Integer cursus fringilla ante. Aliquam aliquam nulla facilisis ipsum. In hac habitasse platea dictumst. Nam neque. Maecenas viverra risus eleifend lectus. Ut pretium aliquet velit. Class aptent taciti sociosqu ad litora torquent per conubia nostra, per inceptos hymenaeos. Cum sociis natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Nam convallis.

Emptiness

2005-10-10T05:04:56Z

Need someone to nurse me; reach out for the first person I see.
Comfort's the helpless sole vanity, caressing the broken heart of me.

The difference between love and comfort is that comfort's more reliable and true.
Brutal and mocking but always there; a crutch for enmity's saddest glare.

I wish that someone would hold me; wrap their arms around a shrinking somebody.
Comfort comes and ease me 'til the morning. Whispered words of sanctuary...

The difference between love and comfort is that comfort's more reliable and true.
Brutal and mocking but always there; a crutch for enmity's saddest glare.

Forgetting how I hate self-pity blonde, comfort comes and smooths her over.
Calloused hands turn a beautiful dress, handcuffs now her pearl bracelets.

minage @ 2004-11-17T17:06:00

2004-11-17T22:08:16Z

Yeh! I updated my layout. Again. ^^; Fuwa. I never use the journal except for layout practice. Yay for Olivia~~~! *flails around like an idiot* Fuwa.

I must scurry now. A shirt must be bought to match my new skirt and legwarmers. ^^; (And I must buy Aimee Allen's CD as well.)

FURAAFII.

2004-11-10T19:58:01Z

chibi fooka (1:10:24 AM): *kissu* Goodnight.
Shadmagic (1:10:53 AM): ze classic "kissu" and run, eh?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Auto response from chibi fooka (1:10:53 AM): *flops into bed*
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shadmagic (1:11:15 AM): weeeellll. hmmph. leave me with nothing to kissu. I see how it is. *slinks off*

Nyaaa. o^~^o I'm so lucky~!

Shimmer And Shine

2004-09-05T20:01:35Z

Ooh, I changed teh layout AGAIN. Hee. This has become a layout test journal of sorts. Hee.

I STILL ♥ Molly.
I STILL ♥ Molly.
I STILL ♥ Molly.
I STILL ♥ Molly.
I STILL ♥ Molly.
I STILL ♥ Molly.

♥Keichan
(AIM: ecchishoujo
MSN: gauzling@msn.com
Yahoo!: kakuu_renbou)
^^

I ♥ Molly.

2004-08-30T03:29:25Z

I ♥ Molly.
I ♥ Molly.
I ♥ Molly.
I ♥ Molly.
I ♥ Molly.
I ♥ Molly.
I ♥ Molly.

:DDD

And look! You can comment!
(I also updated the layout... HAHA, why do I care so much about a dead journal?!)

Daisuki de~su.

2004-08-17T16:02:32Z

Kei wa Mori ga suki desu.
Kei likes Mori.

:D

minage @ 2004-07-28T11:00:00

2004-07-28T15:00:28Z

And now I'll write "I love you" down the same number of times you said it to me...

Then I'll shove the hundreds of pages down your throat.

Hello, Goodbye

2004-07-13T05:56:13Z

Just an entry to let ~~those of~~ you ~~who don't know my new journal or know it and can't read it due to FOness~~ know that I am doing JUST FINE without you.

Suck that, bitches.

--

I met a girl.
She's into girls, too.
She lives 30 miles away (40 minutes).
She's really hot.
She's into weed.
She's even got a rainbow coloured bong.

<333

I told my mom about my weird desire to want to do drugs. She didn't know what to say to me, as a mom. She said she understands and it almost sounded like she wanted to tell me that I should go out and experiment, however...she's my MOM so she's NOT going to say that. Haha. She said the two she was "okay" with was drinking (psh) and marijuana. But then she reminded me that I'm allergic to smoke and marijuana is worse than cigarettes. x_X; What was weird was that she said I could drink with her in the house. And we have a whole bin of beer (neither of my parents drink). *twitch* It was kind of cool, but really freaky at the same time. (Well, I don't like the way beer tastes, anyway.)

I gave it some thought and decided that I probably wouldn't like snorting anything (cocaine>, and I'm too afraid of needles to shoot anything up (heroin)... The only thing left was ecstasy. Which, if I ever got my hands on it, would probably kill me. That is my happy drug. 200%. And since its crash is a huge depression, I'd end up cutting myself to shreds. Eh-heh-heh. Yeh. Drugs + Sileas = BAD.

But it seemed like my mom was okay with marijuana and drinking. Which is weird.

(To sum it all up for the people who don't wanna read all that up there...)
My mom basically told me I could smoke marijuana and drink.

Fuck yeh.
(That would make me even more perfect for this girl. Heh-heh-heh-heh... Maaan, I'm in CRAZY HORNY OH MY GOD I NEED TO GET LAID mode right now. I'd say forgive me, but...well, I don't really care what you think at this point. Well, I do. Just not about that.)

...when did it get to be 1 in the morning?

--

Too bad you cuntfaces can't contact me. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Sileas<33

minage @ 2004-06-27T02:54:00

2004-06-27T06:55:59Z

This journal has too many memories to it. Ones that I'd like to leave behind. And it should be easy, yes. It shouldn't be hard, no. However, I have to leave it and move on. Those of you whom I consider close know my new journal. If you don't know it, I'm sorry, but we just weren't that close.

I'll post it again, for those of you who may have missed it, or haven't friended me there yet. I love you guys. And I'm sorry. You know where to find me though.

Lady Lazarus

2004-06-27T04:14:30Z

Lady Lazarus
by:Sylvia Plath

I have done it again.
One year in every ten
I manage it--

A sort of walking miracle, my skin
Bright as a Nazi lampshade,
My right foot

A paperweight,
My face featureless, fine
Jew linen.

Peel off the napkin
O my enemy.
Do I terrify?--

The nose, the eye pits, the full set of teeth?
The sour breath
Will vanish in a day.

Soon, soon the flesh
The grave cave ate will be
At home on me

And I a smiling woman.
I am only thirty.
And like the cat I have nine times to die.

This is Number Three.
What a trash
To annihilate each decade.

What a million filaments.
The peanut-crunching crowd
Shoves in to see

Them unwrap me hand and foot--
The big strip tease.
Gentlemen, ladies

These are my hands
My knees.
I may be skin and bone,

Nevertheless, I am the same, identical woman.
The first time it happened I was ten.
It was an accident.

The second time I meant
To last it out and not come back at all.
I rocked shut

As a seashell.
They had to call and call
And pick the worms off me like sticky pearls.

Dying
Is an art, like everything else.
I do it exceptionally well.

I do it so it feels like hell.
I do it so it feels real.
I guess you could say I've a call.

It's easy enough to do it in a cell.
It's easy enough to do it and stay put.
It's the theatrical

Comeback in broad day
To the same place, the same face, the same brute
Amused shout:

'A miracle!'
That knocks me out.
There is a charge

For the eyeing of my scars, there is a charge
For the hearing of my heart--
It really goes.

And there is a charge, a very large charge
For a word or a touch
Or a bit of blood

Or a piece of my hair or my clothes.
So, so, Herr Doktor.
So, Herr Enemy.

I am your opus,
I am your valuable,
The pure gold baby

That melts to a shriek.
I turn and burn.
Do not think I underestimate your great concern.

Ash, ash--
You poke and stir.
Flesh, bone, there is nothing there--

A cake of soap,
A wedding ring,
A gold filling.

Herr god, Herr Lucifer
Beware
Beware.

Out of the ash
I rise with my red hair
And I eat men like air.

--

"A 30 year-old woman describes with chilling power her three suicide attempts. She compares herself to a cat with nine lives and to a concentration camp victim; yet "dying / is an art . . . / I do it exceptionally well." The doctors/men that save her are the enemy, and she warns them to "beware."

This is one of the poems which made Plath famous posthumously, written during the last half year of her life, before she succeeded in killing herself at age 31. The poems are brilliant, angry, energetic and highly personal (confessional). They may provide insight into the frame of mind of a conflicted, talented woman attempting to make her mark during the period before "woman's lib.""
-from this source

--

I have been quite taken with poetry for some time now. And for quite some time I've been overly interested in Sylvia Plath. Why? Read up on her and find out. She's a brilliant poet. While I haven't gotten too much father into the book Ariel, that poem (Lady Lazarus) struck me with a certain feeling that I couldn't shake for the rest of the day -- hence why I'm writing about it now, at midnight.

In any case, I have screwed myself over once again. And I really can't fix it. I just can't. I wish I could go back and fix it. This is one of the things I do regret. I try hard not to have regrets -- as what has happened has made me who I am now and people love me as I am, so why change that? But this...this I would change. As much as I'm agaist regrets, I do regret this. And what I wouldn't give to change it and...and work harder and be nicer and... Oh, who am I kidding? I fucked up and that's that. I should let it go.

Perhaps I have too much pride to beg. Perhaps I'm too scared to beg. Perhaps...perhaps I'm simply a coward. I'm not at all sure, but I'm not begging, as much as I want to. Would begging make it better? No. I don't think it would. It might. There is that small hope that it might. I must act quickly before time runs out. Ohh, I frustrate myself.

Bear with me through these times, please, friends. I seem to be having a very rough time with life in general right now. And for some reason, I haven't talked to anyone about it. Only my family knows. And whom ever they've told. But still. I'm having a hard time with life and my screwing up isn't helping one bit. I don't know who to turn to or what to look for. I don't know which way to go and what feelings to follow. I'm lost. Very lost. And I hate being depressed as I am. I want to be happy and joyful and smiling. But it's just not that time in life right now.

Please forgive me. I know I don't make much sense, but I really don't know where else or how else to spill all of this. It might come out in poetry, entries, or conversations posted through out. All I ask is that you bear with me, forgive me, and help me work through this. I don't know what else to do.

♥SA

Meaningless Poetry

2004-06-26T19:57:35Z

i'm just a little fucked up
in this head of mine
i'm just a little messed up
when you're on my mind
i'm just a little anorexic
in this body of mine
i'm just a little bulimic
when you're on my mind
always, always, always...
i'm just a little emaciated
in this brain of mine
i'm just a little hungry,
oh what i wouldn't give
i'm just a little girl
when i'm around you.
always, always, always,
i want to be with you.
i'm just a little anorexic
in this body of mine
i'm just a little bulimic
when you're on my mind
always, always, always
I WANT TO BE WITH YOU!

♥SA

minage @ 2004-06-26T12:05:00

2004-06-26T16:10:32Z

On Greatest Journal.

Feel free to add me there.

kakurenbo @ GJ . com

Mother Fucker

2004-06-26T04:52:57Z

I'm.Perfect
Imperfect.

And to everyone who has made my already bad day worse:

Thank you.

*mumble*Fuckingidiots.*mumble*

minage @ 2004-06-24T21:55:00

2004-06-25T02:00:41Z

I feel so...hopeless and lost as of right now. I want to do nothing more except hole up in my room and waste away to nothing. Of course, that's hardly an option.

Back to the boards of Gaia...
*wanders off*

Better Than You

2004-06-24T05:12:58Z

Why do I always long for those that hurt me?

What kind of masochistic love addict am I?

Yes, I'm going into that phase of the cycle where I'm depressed. Hm...

minage @ 2004-06-23T19:30:00

2004-06-24T02:31:33Z

Ganked from kittyling:

Give me 1,000 comments in this entry. Or whatever, really. YOU, in particular, don't have to supply the whole 1000, but a tiny contribution would be nice. Then let me know if you post this in your journal and I'll return the favor.

Dudes, so this is your chance to spam me with anything! Pictures, lyrics, the word SPAM over and over. Feel free to tell me something about yourself, or screen your comments. Do whatever you want! It's all up to you.

Phwee. Have fun.

minage @ 2004-06-22T00:34:00

2004-06-22T04:57:02Z

Juli is SO at my house and we are SO reading manga and SO listening to V6.

o____o

Yeh. It's been forever since I've done anything like this and it's so fun. I bought 3 manga today. Volumes 3 and 4 of Wish (oh my GODsocuuute) and volume 1 of xxxHOLIC. Kyuu, I want kitty ears. =^. .^= Wai! KenshinxSano hentai doujin! Ah, for Otakon, I'm trying to convince Quinn to go as Kenshin. That'd be SO cute. ^__^ I mean...that'd be just...KYAA adorable. ChibiKenshin!

Kenshin nipple.

That's what we get for looking at hentai doujin of KenxSano. o___o Hehehehe.

I MADE A SNOWMAN. !!!

minage @ 2004-06-20T11:02:00

2004-06-20T15:04:43Z

Oi, I need to stop eating so much. I'm such a fucking cow.

Less food + more excersise = Not a cow-like Keichan.

Burn more calories than you take in, and you're good to go. Mm... I'm going through a body obsession right now. Bear with me.

Boop.

2004-06-19T23:45:27Z

I'm feelin' better now. A select few on my friends list see what's up. But I do feel better. I'm going to go surf CartoonNetwork.com with Quinn now. ^_^

at my window

2004-06-19T21:55:07Z

I'm so on the edge, it's not even funny.

But I'll put it away and save it for a rainy day.

I need someone to talk to. Please, if you're there, IM me. erotophelia

minage @ 2004-06-18T21:40:00

2004-06-19T01:45:38Z

Oki. I return. Yes. Me. The real me. o___o; The pool was great. I had a really great time. And I really don't have a whole lot else to say. Yep. I am boring. Goodbye.

EDIT:

boston_is_numba1: hey
Sileas: Hi.
boston_is_numba1: wats goin on
Sileas: Nothing. Just about to go and hang out with my family, actually.
boston_is_numba1: i wish i coudl go out i gutta work soon
boston_is_numba1: i seen u on teh dilly and i was wonderin if i coucl eva c ur sexy self on cam
Sileas: no cuz i dunt tak 2 ppl hoo cant tak rite cuz itz hrd 2 reed
boston_is_numba1:</b> ok
Sileas: sry im not a hore niethere
boston_is_numba1: o ok
Sileas: Yeh.
Sileas: Sorry, but if you have the literacy of a first grader, there's no way in hell you'll ever get anywhere near me.
Sileas: I'm not into pedophilia.
Yahoo! Messenger: boston_is_numba1 has logged out. (6/18/2004 9:49 PM)

/EDIT

WTF

2004-06-18T20:30:47Z

omg i liek so haft 2 taek mi showar im goin 2 da pewl w/ my stepbro LOL

Moo.

2004-06-18T02:55:08Z

So we all know that when I take a liking to something, I obssess. Yes. Here is my Gill'e Cadith obsession. ^___^ I made it all by. my. self. Ooh, I like it, I like it. ^__^ Yes, I am proud of it. Hehe.

I wish my e-mail would work. I try to open it but I get something lame telling me that it can't find the page. Rawr. *tries about fifteen more times with no luck* Sigh.

Uhm. Yes. In other news. I am bored. I am also glad, though, because I do not have school tomorrow. However, I do have to leave at 10:40 to pick up Connor from school. Last day of me doing this. Mom told me in the car that she really appreciated this. I told her that it wasn't really that much of a problem, just a pain. I then told her that I'm not doing this next year, even though he's going to the same school as me. Nope nope. I had to suffer two years on the bus before I could drive myself, so can he. Rawwwr.

Now, I go and socialise with the family. *gasp*

Scarlet

2004-06-17T20:31:04Z

Yes, it's true. No more school for me. And that is happiness for me. And I really don't have a whole lot to say.

I LOVE GILL'E CADITH!!!

Yes. ^__^ I do. Karun is a hottie to boot. I want glasses like his.

In other news, I've reconsidered piercing my tongue. Whenever I get the money, I think I'll get it done. Heh-heh. Yes. o___o

Speaking of money, I might have a job. Mom just called me up telling me that the Reston Community Center might be good for camp stuff or something along those lines. Sounds good to me. Money = good. Money = tongue piercing. Money = new glasses. O___O; Money = happy Keichan.

Uhm. I'll go now. ^___^